One sided friendships

                                       

 (image source unknown to me)

 After ignoring the big elephant in the room for so long, I realised that I was in a one sided friendship with my best friend. It's crazy how I still think of her as a best friend. I finally realised that I didn't mean what she meant to me and I was making her uncomfortable, so I stopped. It was painful for the first year because I was so used to her being the first person I broke any news to, share thoughts with and even seek advice from. It's been a very hard thing to accept but I get it. I may not know her reasons for putting up with me, I may not know how why she kept quiet and let me believe that she was my best friend.

Things have gotten easier and much better with time. At first I was angry, but looking back, the signs were there and I refused to notice. It's like I walked blindly and refused to see the truth, and now that I do, I feel much better. I'm not mad at her, I actually still love and respect her. Which is something I've learnt to try and achieve with my exes. The biggest lesson in all of this is to consciously cultivate relationships with those who actually want to be friends with me and want to be around me. The ones who have mutual respect for me and keep in touch. I used to be sad about this, but now I'm okay. I've grown, it's fine and maybe one day I will call someone a best friend once again.